New Years Resolutions

Ryan and Lucas

Erin and me sporting some Bump it action :)

Ryan and Erin

This year we had a low key New Years celebration with our dear friends Ryan and Erin. They came to visit and we went out for a nice dinner downtown and then came home and brought in the new year in our pj's with some games, bubbly, and the ball dropping on the television. It has been a long time since we have had the chance to spend quality time with this couple because we live so far apart and Erin has been in a Ph.D. program followed by a residency that (obviously) required a LOT of time. I have to say that I am so happy to know them! I do not want to invade their privacy with the tiny details behind the fact that they are the inspiration of my first new years resolution...

1. To be more aware of my actions

I know - this is a serious resolution and covers a lot of ground, but I just can't continue living my life unaware. Instead of resolving to diet or work out more (let's be honest, these resolutions never come true) I want to be more aware of what I am doing to my body. Am I treating it right by eating properly and being physically active? Am I providing my mind with enough mental stimulation? Am I taking the necessary steps that will ensure a long and healthy life? Instead of resolving to save more or spend less (this seems nearly impossible to do in this increasingly paperless society), I want to be more aware of my family's financial situation. Where is the money going? Am I spending money on frivolous things? Are we successfully planning for our future? How will my decisions to consume today affect my family tomorrow? Instead of resolving to be a better mother, wife, friend, driver, etc., I want to be more aware of my impact on those around me. Am I in such a hurry driving that I cut others off? Am I saying something that is hurtful without realizing it until it is too late? Sometimes the way you phrase something can come across entirely wrong or you may discuss your good fortune before learning of another's trial. I guess what I am saying is, I hope to be more aware of my actions in order to become a better person to myself, my family, my friends, and even perfect strangers.

2. To be more present

There is nothing like the way having a baby can put your life into perspective. Let me try to explain...at several points in my life I have been too focused on the past or the future which has caused me to miss the present. I think my history of depression is partly to blame for this. There, I said it...it is out there. I have a history of depression. I recently came to terms with this fact and sought the help of the medical professionals placed in my life to help me out of my dark places. Society does not look favorably on depression - matters of the brain are scary and hard to understand. But my doctor helped me come to terms with it by explaining that it is nothing to be ashamed of - it isn't any different than someone who has allergies needing to take medication to get through their day. I learned that I had been living life like I was a passive observer watching someone else go through the motions, that I would "erase" whole portions of my memory when a friend or boyfriend broke my heart, or that I was constantly planning for the future so that I wouldn't have to live in the present. Finding out I was pregnant and having Lucas in my life has changed everything. Suddenly I am living each day from moment to moment and I LOVE it :) I feel so blessed and I want to resolve to continue down this path of living in the present and expand it to the other facets of my life...after all, I have an amazing husband and an adorable little boy to enjoy this life with :)